I’m waiting for an answer.  I’m pretty sure that answer will be “no” and that I’ll have an entire year of freedom in front of me to fill.

What am I saying “a year”? I’ll have whatever time I have in front of me free and empty…

See, my steady nine to five life is coming to an end in three months and then… what?

This is what freedom/standing at the edge of the unknown looks like. Except that in this metaphor, there should only be one shadow. (Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania)

There are two (known and admittedly awesome) ways this thing called my life could go starting in July.

I’ve applied for a year-long directing internship at a fantastic theatre that will remain nameless for jinxing purposes.  I’ve been waiting for an answer, a hint either way, for a couple of months now (that’s what you get when you apply early… damned keenness).

I feel like I’ll know soon, but it’ll never be soon enough (patience running out).  I’ve given myself permission to email them on Wednesday to see what’s up. Maybe they don’t tell losers they didn’t get it.

If I don’t get it (which is likely), that means I’m actually going around the world.  Actually, this time. (Last time I had this plan, it ended up being a 5-week trip to East Africa which, while absolutely amazing, was not around the world, I’m sure you’ll agree.)

Another world. But not actually around the world. Kenya, November 2010.

So while I’ve been waiting for the inevitable “sorry, we’ve chosen someone else for this internship,” I’ve found a cheap ticket to the other side of the globe.  But I’m waiting for that no first. Because it might not be a “no”.

I’ve found out what the exchange rate is for the Fijian dollar.  I’ve realized I have enough Via Preference points to get from Toronto to Vancouver on the train for free.  I’ve looked at backpack options at MEC and even elsewhere.  I’ve promised friends in India and California I’ll visit.

I’m ready to go!  Or rather, I’m ready to start thinking of getting ready to go!

This also is a metaphor. Lamu, Kenya.

But what if I get the internship?  Then I’d pack up a suitcase and jump on a bus to get a year of experience in the field I’m desperate to work in, a field that seems pretty impenetrable at the moment.  They don’t pay much (what’s new?), but they give you an apartment to live in (!).  It’s too perfect not to believe it wasn’t made for me.  But last year, when I applied, it wasn’t meant for me. Visualisation exercises don’t work, by the way. They just make for harsh awakenings.

But this year, my harsh awakening will be that of getting to travel, getting to throw my savings into flights and travel gizmos and a new camera.

Lamu, Kenya. November 2010.

So… any tips on managing impatience and lack of control? Because I am starting to lose it.